I've decided...

->that I have too many pairs of jeans
->that I really enjoy cooking and blogging
->that she really is everything that I ever wanted
->that I am going to learn Photoshop and Webdesign
->that I REALLY want to live in a loft style apartments
->that my life is going to be everything that I want it to be
->that I stay very organized when I use tiny colorful sticky notes
->that I want to write multiple types of ciriculums to redefine church
->that I am going to build my own furniture and create the look I want


tpm

Arguing - the battle of conjectures

The general consensus is that “arguing in wrong;” that perfect relationships NEVER have any “problems,” which is coming from the perspective that arguments are problems. Don’t misunderstand, arguments ARE problems if they are done in an inappropriate way or from the wrong basis of understanding. IF arguments are performed in the correct manner, then they are beneficial; these would be called “discussions.” Discussions are always a healthy way to confront issues. If issues are ignored, they will eventually eat a relationship alive. Unresolved issues act as cancers within relationships; you can view healthy discussions as “Chemo Therapy for Relationships.” No one wants to go through chemo, it’s painful and uncomfortable but it is vital. The key element to discussing properly is the techniques that each party uses within the discussion.

For our purposes, let’s think of healthy discussing as a sparring match between two skilled combat partners. Even though I am using a somewhat violent example, it does not mean that the act of discussing should be thought of as a “fight” or “duel.” The end goal of the discussion not that one person should win, which is another fallacy people believe about arguing, it is that both parties have the opportunity to be heard and understood. When discussing certain issues there are usually three tactics which people use to get their point across, these will be described as the weapons that the fighters would use. The types of “weapons” are a giant sword, throwing daggers, and a wooden staff.

The first is the sword. You can picture a two handed – double edged sword that is huge and takes a great deal of muscle to use.  This tactic is most commonly described as brute force; the person will come into the argument strong –handed, trying to take over the conversation, sometimes getting physical. This is usually fueled by anger. A person using this tactic has no defense; they are always on the offense.  They are constantly getting offended and not solving their issues, they are just hashing at their partner. This proves to be very initially detrimental to the partner.

The second are the throwing daggers. Have in your mind small but sharp darts type daggers. These are most closely related to harsh words, slander, sarcasm, and even verbal abuse. These can be used at any time during the argument; sometimes they are used one at a time in strategic places and other times they are used all at once. This is fueled by hurt and pain. Typically the person who uses this tactic is always on the defense because they play the victim; most times, the more that they feel threatened the more that they throw. This tactic can take a while to take effect; it is more of a long term fighting style.

The final tactic is the use of a staff. This would be a long wooden rounded staff. It has no sharp edges and takes a great deal of skill to wield. This is the most balanced and effective way of arguing. It provides ample defense when needed, blocking all types of attacks and it is strong enough to be a good offense. The main difficulty with the staff is that it is a more experienced weapon; the person using it must be secure in themselves to allow the other person to spar fairly with them.  Because of its’ level of difficulty, most people choose the sword or daggers.

The first two styles stem from insecurity, fear, anger, and pain. They do not trust their partner and ultimately do not trust themselves. However, the third comes from security, trust and respect; and is the BEST way to argue any situation.

Now that I have explained the different tactics, let us see how they work together:

The Sword vs. The Daggers – this is ineffective. There is no middle ground. The Sword is extremely offensive and the Daggers are extremely defensive. The Sword comes in strong; if the Daggers are not ready, they will be crushed. If they are then they will just wear the Sword out, once the Sword is out of juice, the Daggers will attack and cripple the Sword.

The Sword vs. The Sword – this is ineffective. This is off balance. When two Swords fight, they simply go neck and neck until they give up because they are evenly matched. This solves no problems; all it does is fuel the frustration inside of a Sword. They simply come to no agreement.

The Daggers vs. The Daggers – this is ineffective. This is also off balance. Two Daggers cannot argue against each other. All they do is hurt each other. Because of the harsh words, they tend to be just as hurtful to their partner as the partner is to them. This causes long term wounds.

The Sword vs. The Staff – this is semi-effective. One partner is balanced. Unfortunately it does more good for the Sword than it does for the Staff, even though the Staff is doing it right. The Staff can block the attacks of the Sword long enough to wear down the Sword and then provide some strong yet no damaging retaliation. However, the Sword is very strong and will damage the Staff while it’s defending itself.

The Daggers vs. The Staff – this is semi-effective. Only one partner is balanced. This also hurts the Staff: the one who is balance. When arguing the Staff simply tries to offer a decent spar, but the Daggers feel threatened and begin to over react with a large amount of throwing. The Staff is not fast enough to block every attack; it has some defense, but not enough to shield itself.

The Staff vs. The Staff – this is the MOST effective. Both partners are balanced. They offer the right amount of offense blended with the right amount of defense. Each partner understands that this discussion is not meant to injure, just spar. Evenly matched, the Staffs can work out their issues in a healthy and effective manner.

The KEY to arguing effectively is to realize that it is NOT a battle, but rather a healthy sparring match. The mentality is that the other party involved in the argument or discussion is NOT your enemy, but rather your partner. The object is NOT to injure or harm your partner, but to hone your skills and those of match mate.

If we keep all of these things in mind, then we will be able to argue effectively.

tpm

The Good Life

Where to begin?

Life is so good right now. I'm so close to where I want to be. It's so exciting! Here are some new things going on in my life.....

-I now live in Phoenix, Arizona. It's amazing!
-I have a full time job as the Arts Ministry Director of Scottsdale Worship.
-I am talking to this amazing girl, who I can't get enough of. She is 3 years younger than me, which is interesting to me, but she means a great deal to me and I plan to make her a significant part of my life. :)
-I am apartment hunting, so excited to live on my own!
-I am getting my own credit card, not really big deal just something new.
-I am starting to get a tan. yes!

I think that is all the updates.

Stay Tuned,
TPM

Dumpster

The other day I saw a sign that said “Do Not Climb into the Dumpster.” A first I laughed. “Who would climb into a dumpster?” I thought.  Then I started to think about it. People who are either, desperate, regretful or immature would climb into the dumpster. Someone who has nothing would go for the scraps in that dumpster. Someone who just threw away something that was valuable on accident would scour the dumpster. Someone who has not learned what the dumpster actually holds would climb into it to be silly.

How many times do we climb into the dumpster in our lives? How many times do we go back for something that we lost? How many times are we desperate for something to ease the pain or wasting our time by being foolish?

I think, as humans, we spend a good amount of time in that dumpster. We accidentally lost something that was important to us and we try to hold on to it or go and find it when, we know, it’s already gone. Or, we have gotten to such a new low in our lives and we have ostracized the people that care about us that we search for anything we can get, no matter where it came from. Or, there are times when we see an opportunity to do something crazy, when really; we are just climbing around in other people’s crap.

Even if there are times that we feel that we are missing something in our life, let’s look somewhere other than a dumpster. Because, in reality, nothing good usually comes out of a dumpster.

Until next time,

tpm

The Van Plan

OMG. I just came up with the best plan EVER! It may sound silly at first, but bear with me, you will see the beauty of this idea.

Currently, I am without a vehicle and living at home with my parents. Yes, I am aware that it is somewhat pathetic but I am in a transitioning point in my life. There are many reasons for this season, which can be discussed later.

With that said, I was trying to figure out a way to solve both problems. I have a job and am working on getting a second job. So, the stability of the money is not really an issue. The issue is: I don't have enough money.

Then I thought, "how can I solve both at the same time?"

For my job as the catering manager I drive around an Extended Cargo Van. I got to thinking that "a good amount of stuff can fit in one of those vans, probably a mattress." Then it hit me! "I could live in one of those!"

So that is what I am going to do. haha. I will buy this van : http://norfolk.craigslist.org/cto/2147085085.html

I will put carper on the floor and blinds on the windows. I will put up a clothing rack and possibly some drawers for all of my things. I will buy some bungee cords to hold everything in place. I will put my drums and guitar in there. I will strap my bike to an inside wall. I will put a mattress up on the other side. I will get a converter so that I can run small electronics. and I will LIVE! I am also going to see if a small two-seater couch will fit behind the drivers seat.

It will be epic! This way I can go to work when I need to. I will do my laundry at a laundromat and find places to take a shower. It may be a little difficult at first but I think it will be great. I will be able to travel and go where ever I want and then when I get there I can just park the van and use my bike. I will have everything with me that I will need so I wont need to worry.

I know what you are probably thinking: "That is creepy Garrett." and yes, it may be slightly creepy but its not like I am driving around trying to pick up little kids. I will just be living.

I don't see anything wrong with my plan or my logic. haha. Let me know if you find any holes.

until next time,
tpm

Porche

I drove a stick shift today. I feel like a man. And not just any 5 speed, a 1984 Porche 944!

I dont know why today felt different. I have driven that car before, several times actually. I think it was because that was my only means of transportation today. The other times that I have driven it was just to specific locations, but today it was the car that I drove everywhere. It was pretty cool. Also, I am getting better at it.

In other news.

I am this --> |____|  close to becoming the assistant store manager of a Kirklands in the mall. I am super excited. I still really like my catering job. However, they treat me as if I am incompetent, they dont trust that I know what I am doing. So therefore, they dont give me as many hours and I dont really enjoy the work. But hey, thats life. I guess I just have to prove it to them.

With this new job, it looks like I will be staying in VA a lil bit longer than planned. Hopefully, I will be able to work this job and save up some money so that I can (1) move out and (2) move to DC.

I just want a car, a good job and a place to live. Thats all I really want right now. AND a special person with me. but that will come.


This picture kinda discribes my life right now.

I feel like I got stuck on the broken bench all alone. Looking for someone, with the world ahead of me, but somehow I am here on this bench.




Until next time,

tpm

Crazy

Why do all the pretty ones end up being the crazy ones? I dont mean crazy like mentally insane, but more like emotionally damaged. It just seems like all the girls that I come to like or am attracted to end up having some emotional scaring. Does that mean that all girls are emotionally messed up? OR does that mean that I just pick all the wrong ones?? Maybe I am attracted to the "damsel in distress" type? Maybe I have this "super hero" complex where I need to feel like I am "saving" the one that I am with to feel important?

Well that sucks. what am I supposed to do with that? because I have a feeling that its not ALL the girls problem.

Why do I need to feel useful? Is that how I show love? Is that how I feel love? Why cant I just get into a normal relationship with a girl and be happy. Truly happy.

What is normal? What does that look like? What does happy look like? I feel like that is a perceptual concept. Those ideas are dependent on the person that is experiencing them and, essentially, creating them. Happiness and normality are simply based on the individual. What is normal and makes one person may not be the same for the next.

This is, unfortunately, less understandable because it is not quantifiable. Due to its specific and individualized nature, these concepts are almost unattainable.

Oh well. Im sure that I will find the right girl and we will live happily ever after .......

Until next time,
t.p.m.